Running to Stand Still Read online

  He rose effortlessly from the uncomfortable space under the umbrella and turned to help her up. As she stood, she could not help but smell his cologne. It was faint but incredibly appealing and at that moment she could not remember ever smelling anything nicer. His hand was warm and his grip firm around her fingers.

  Danielle let go of his hand as if his fingers were scorching her before asking, “Do you mind if we walk along the beach? The clouds are clearing and I prefer it to walking down the busy main road.”

  “Are you not afraid to walk on the beach at night with a boy you don’t know?” He was teasing again and she could not imagine ever being afraid in his company.

  “As you pointed out earlier, my sister knows where to find you.” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head in the direction of his house.

  “Let’s go then!”

  Michael waved at his brother and sister and then turned towards the houses further along the beach. The clouds were lifting and the crashing waves were drowning out all sound other than that of the ocean. It was dark but the moon was rising and the moonlight illuminated the pristine white beach making visible the few rows of footprints not washed away by the waves. The stars were becoming visible and Danielle stopped to look up at the night sky.

  “Do you know any of the constellations?” he asked as he moved behind her and started to show her some of the constellations.

  He was close enough for her to smell his cologne again and she could feel the warmth of his body as he stood behind her. His arm was raised over her shoulder and his chest almost touched her back. He knew many constellations and she tried to concentrate as he was pointing them out to her.

  It took Danielle a few seconds to realise that Michael had become quiet. He dropped his hand to rest on her bare shoulder, his thumb touching the skin of her back and his fingers curling over her shoulder to brush against her collar bone. She could feel his breath on her nape as if his face was close to her neck, but she was too afraid to turn around. The seconds dragged into eternity and they stood frozen, the only sound coming from the waves crashing onto the sand.

  Loud laughter from the party behind them broke the spell and he lifted his hand from her shoulder. He started walking in the direction of the houses and seemed deep in thought. She fell into step next to him and watched him furtively.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked.

  “I’m leaving for the army soon. I don’t know what to expect. It’s not exactly part of my grand plan to spend two years in the military. I’m dying to go to Paris.” He sounded wistful.

  “When are you leaving?”

  “I start on the first of January,” Michael sighed.

  He slowly walked up the wooden stairs that led from the beach to their house. They had an impressive, white, three storey house right on the beachfront and the front of the house was made entirely of glass. The huge palm trees surrounding the house were swaying in the gentle breeze and the immaculate lawn in front of the house reached the sand dunes on the edge of the beach.

  “Do you want to come in for coffee or do you think your sister will be worried?” He had an unreadable expression on his face and she was unsure if he really wanted to invite her for coffee or if he was merely being polite.

  “I think I should probably go home. I don’t want my sister to send out a search party,” Danielle said quietly. Michael nodded and they walked in silence down the street towards her house.

  “Keep well, Danielle. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Michael smiled at her, lingered for a few seconds, and then turned to walk to his own house.

  She stood on the porch, watching him as he walked away, and could not help but admire his graceful manner. Michael stopped unexpectedly and turned back. He seemed pleased to see her still standing on the porch. He retraced his steps and came to a stop on the lowest step of the porch, looking up at her.

  “Will you go snorkelling with me tomorrow morning? It will be early, at sunrise, before the tide comes in. I don’t know anybody here except for my brother and sister and they are leaving tomorrow to visit friends in Hermanus. They’ll be gone for the rest of the summer. It will be nice to have some company.”

  Danielle felt a frisson of excitement course through her. “I would love to. I have all the gear. I even have a permit for abalone.”

  “Then it’s a date. Oh, I forgot, you aren’t allowed to date. Call it an expedition.” He winked at her before stepping off the porch to walk back to his house.

  She forced herself to drag her eyes away from his retreating form and to quench the feeling of excitement at the prospect of seeing him again the next day.

  Danielle was up before dawn, unquenchable excitement at the prospect of seeing Michael again waking her up early. She was sitting on the porch, watching the sunrise, when he walked up the steep driveway to their house. Their house was situated further back from the ocean, but it was on a hill and had a beautiful view of the whole bay.

  “Good morning, Danielle! I think we are the only two people awake in the whole of Jeffreys Bay.”

  Michael looked at the neighbourhood which was deathly quiet before walking up the porch steps to sit next to her on the bench. He did not speak but sat quietly watching the ocean.

  “Sunrise is my favourite part of the day,” she said softly as if speaking to herself. “I often sit on the porch and watch the sun rise over the ocean. It reminds me of the Nina Simone song, Feeling Good.”

  “Mm. A Nina Simone fan. Are you a tortured soul?” he asked, almost wistfully. His gaze did not waver from the ocean and she wondered what he was really thinking.

  Danielle smiled. “Not particularly. I like the solitude of sunrise. I’m not really a people’s person. I feel claustrophobic around too many people.”

  “I think we have that in common. Ever since my mother died I’ve lost all desire to be around other people. Until I met you.”

  The last part was almost a whisper and Danielle wasn’t sure if she heard him correctly. She sat quietly, not wanting to break the spell, simply staring at the vivid morning sky. There was no wind and the ocean seemed frozen, the rays shimmering on the mirror surface.

  “Let’s go before the tide turns. Do you have all your gear?” Michael rose from the bench before taking her hand to pull her up.

  When she was upright she was very close to him, trapped between his body and the back of the bench. The faint smell of his cologne was intoxicating. She had the sudden urge to push her face in his neck, but he took a step back allowing her to pass and she was incredibly glad that he could not read her thoughts!

  They spent the whole day in the water, snorkelling. They managed to find some decent sized abalone and a few massive alikreukels. Danielle showed Michael how to dislodge the abalone from the shell by inserting one’s thumb between the muscle and the shell. He was equally impressed with her skill and grossed out by the green slime that she scrubbed from the body of the abalone.

  They made a fire on the beach and Danielle placed the alikreukels with the opening of the shell facing up into the fire. They cooked in their own juices and Michael almost vomited when she turned the shells around to shake the alikreukels out. It had a small green and orange muscular foot, but it was the long spiral shaped entrails that made him gag.

  “You’re such a city boy!” Danielle was laughing as she bit into the flesh of the alikreukel. Michael made a face and pretended not to watch her.

  “Think of it as the escargot of the ocean! It’s much nicer! One day when you’re in Paris, and you’re having escargot in one of the posh French cuisine restaurants, you must think back to this summer afternoon and little old Danielle cooking alikreukel in the shell especially for you,” she said as she chewed.

  “When I’m in Paris I will be thinking of you regardless of what I’m eating,” he replied with a serious expression on his face.

  Danielle smiled. “Now you are pulling my leg.”

  Michael raised his eyebrows. “I’m not joking.”

  S
he stopped smiling and she became aware of Michael and the intense way he was watching her. They were sitting quietly on the sand and she was unable to look away as he took the alikreukel from her hand. He grimaced as he took a bite. He chewed slowly and swallowed laboriously.

  “I guess you will have to come to France one day and have some escargot with me to return the favour of you cooking this delightful dish for me.” He smiled and then squeezed his eyes shut as he took another bite.

  “Maybe I will. I guess only time will tell. Now give that to me. It’s obviously a waste of good food if you have to force it down like that.” She took the remaining alikreukel from his hand and ate it with relish.

  Danielle was tired as they walked along the beach back to her house that evening. Michael took her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers as they walked. When they reached her house he took her other hand and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.

  “Thank you for coming with me today,” he said as he hugged her briefly and then stood back.

  “Thank you for inviting me,” she whispered.

  “You look tired, Danni. You must go to bed before you fall over. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.”

  Michael smiled and gently pulled on her plait that was hanging over her shoulder before turning to walk to his house. He stopped after walking a few metres and then glanced back at her.

  Danielle grinned at him. “Good night, Michael!” He winked at her and turned back to continue walking to his house.

  Danielle felt strangely elated and exhausted as she entered her house. Rachel was sitting in front of the television and looked at Danielle curiously. “Danni, where have you been? You’ve been gone the whole day!”

  “I went snorkelling with Michael,” Danielle said as she sat down on the sofa next to Rachel.

  “From the idiot grin on your face can I assume that you like this boy?” Rachel asked with raised eyebrows.

  Danielle sighed heavily. “You can assume all you like. It doesn’t make a difference because he’s leaving for the army soon and who knows when I’ll see him again.”

  “You’re not allowed to have a boyfriend anyway. You know the rules.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend. We’re friends. I’m going to bed because you’re annoying me,” Danielle said angrily. She rose from the couch and stomped to her room.

  Rachel shook her head as Danielle slammed her bedroom door. “This will not end well,” Rachel said softly to herself.

  It was six glorious weeks before Michael left to report for his military service. They spent every waking moment together and Danielle could not remember a time before Michael came into her life. They spent the days swimming and snorkelling and the evenings at her house or his talking for hours about their future plans and dreams.

  The day of his departure was more sudden than Danielle anticipated. She was still sleeping when she heard a tapping against her bedroom window. She was only half awake when she stumbled to her window to check what was causing the insistent tapping.

  “Michael, it’s still dark. What are you doing here?” She was too groggy to be surprised when she realised Michael was the source of the tapping noise. He was standing in the flower bed under the window, stepping on her mother’s precious flowers.

  “I’m leaving. I wanted to say goodbye,” he replied.

  It took a few seconds for her sleep addled brain to register what he was saying. “What do you mean you’re leaving? It’s still four days to go before the first. Why didn’t you tell me yesterday you were leaving today?”

  “I did not want to spoil our last day. I have to fly to Johannesburg today. It was the only available flight.”

  “When will I see you again?” Danielle asked anxiously.

  “I don’t know. I promise to write.” Michael pulled her face through the window and kissed her softly on the lips. It was the first time he had ever kissed her and she could feel the imprint of his mouth on hers as if he branded her.

  “Look after my brother when he comes back. I know you don’t know him but I would appreciate it if you could keep an eye on him. He’s always in trouble. You’ll be a good influence on him.” Michael squeezed her hand and seemed reluctant to let go.

  “I will miss you, my beautiful Danielle.” He looked in her eyes one last time before he turned around and walked away without looking back.

  Danielle stood at her window for a long time, peering into the darkness, wondering why she suddenly felt as if all joy had been sucked from her life.

  CHAPTER 2

  30 March

  Dear Danielle

  I am sorry it took so long to write but the officers forbade us to write to anyone who is not related. They screened our letters and it became highly embarrassing for my fellow troops who tried to sneak letters to their girlfriends. It was part of the initiation period and it sucked. I counted the days until I could write to you.

  How is school? Are you still getting the highest marks in your school? You may wonder how I know this. I confess that I have asked my sister about you. I have thought about you every day these last few months and how much I enjoyed our time together. Carin writes every week and she has told me that you and Thomas have become very close friends. She writes that you spend all your free time together. You must watch out for my little brother. He has a tendency to attract trouble wherever he goes. I can’t even count how many times he has landed me in trouble. (I still like him but don’t tell him I said so! His head will be even bigger than it is now!)

  Apparently you have quite the knack for pool! Why didn’t you tell me you liked to play? I’m not very good but I would be a very happy guy if you would teach me. Are you hustling all the boys in the Beach Hotel??? It is unfair to play against you because no normal boy would be able to keep his wits about him when faced with your green eyes. They will catch on you know! Jeffreys Bay is a small town.

  When I close my eyes to go to sleep at night it is your beautiful face I see. Look after yourself.

  Michael

  17 April

  Dear Michael

  I was so incredibly glad to receive your letter. It was the highlight of my year so far. Are you surviving the army? I hear the food is awful and you only get to shower in cold water! It is ridiculous to think you have another eighteen months to go.

  To answer your question, I am not a pool hustler! Thomas and I like to play against the occasional surfer in the Beach Hotel and if they underestimate me because I am a girl I feel that it is their problem, don’t you agree?

  As for school, I study hard because I want to go to medical school. I need to apply next year and I don’t want to fall behind. Have you decided about going to Paris? Thomas says that you are quite the rugby player (It seems there are things we don’t know about each other, my pool skills, your rugby skills!!). Somehow I cannot imagine a rugby player passionate about studying art!

  I am amazed when I think how talented you are. Your paintings are so beautiful, for lack of a better word. They speak to me in a way that moves my soul. I feel closer to you when I look at your paintings. I have to confess I sometimes go to your house just to look at them. It makes me feel your presence when I am surrounded by the canvasses that seem to radiate your inner thoughts.

  Are you coming home for Christmas? I miss you and I think Thomas misses you even though he will never admit it!

  Please write again soon.

  Danielle

  10 May

  Dear Danielle

  I am dreaming about Paris almost every day. I had to shave all my hair off and I realised I have a big head shaped like an egg. When I am finished with my military service I am growing my hair long and never making my bed again. I have also been permanently cured of ironing in general and polishing boots in particular. The food is truly disgusting and I if I never see a jam sandwich again, it will be too soon.

  I am glad that you love my paintings. I feel honoured by your words. I cannot say how much it means to me that you appreciate something that is so
important to me. It sometimes feel as if my father will never understand that I have this all-consuming desire to paint. I don’t know how to communicate with him. Maybe I will just have to pack up my stuff and go to Paris one day. I hope I can convince you to go with me. I can be a struggling artist and you can learn French and study medicine in Paris.

  Thomas seems very happy for the first time in a long time and he frequently talks about you. In fact his letters are filled with only you. I am glad you are keeping him occupied and out of trouble.

  I am counting the days until we are together again.

  Michael

  30 May

  Dear Michael

  I now have an image in my head of your enormous egg head. Thank you for that! As for Thomas, he still manages to get into trouble. He gets too cocky with the surfers in the Beach Hotel and they almost punched him last week. I had to drag him out of there. It can be quite exhausting saving Thomas all the time. He is very stubborn and I think that is a family trait….but I still love him!

  Is the food worse than alikreukel entrails and green slimy abalone? You are a bit fussy when it comes to food. The army can only do you good, I think! Otherwise you will never appreciate the good without having the bad (and by good I mean sumptuous alikreukel).

  I am not doing much, other than studying at the moment. Thomas is teaching me to surf but I am still afraid to go out when the sea is rough. The main source of trouble on the beach is actually Russell but I am sure I am not telling you anything you don’t already know!

  I have been thinking about what you said about Paris. I would love to go but we would have to see where this is going. But I am happy to be convinced.

  I miss you. Every day.

  Danielle

  CHAPTER 3

  The mailbox made a strange squeaking sound as Danielle looked through the little door hoping desperately to find a letter but not surprised to find none. Michael never wrote another letter and she slowly went from anticipation to severe disappointment to resignation over the last six months.